Buying a house with someone you aren’t married to feels like the ultimate commitment. It’s exciting. You picture Sunday mornings in the kitchen, painting the spare room, maybe even a dog running in the backyard. It’s a leap of faith, backed by a thirty-year loan.
But life happens. Relationships that felt rock-solid can crumble, and when they do, that dream home can quickly turn into a financial and emotional trap.
A storyline from the show I Love LA captures this kind of tension all too well. Alyssa and Jeremy, an unmarried couple, seem to have it all—a shared home bought during a hopeful, love-filled chapter of their lives. But as time goes on, the cracks in their relationship start to show. Jeremy pulls away, becoming distant and dismissive, while Alyssa tries to hold everything together, clinging to the life they built. The show leaves their future unresolved, but for real-life couples in similar situations, the story often takes a more painful turn. That dream home, once a symbol of their shared future, can quickly become a battleground of emotions and financial stress. If Alyssa wanted to move on but Jeremy refused to sell, they’d find themselves stuck in a frustrating deadlock—one that polite conversations and private negotiations often can’t fix.
Imagine this: You and your partner, let’s call him Shawn, bought a nice little bungalow three years ago. You both put money down, both names are on the deed, and you’ve been splitting the mortgage. But then things fall apart. You break up. You move out because staying there is just too painful. You want to sell the house, take your share of the equity, and move on with your life.
But Shawn? Shawn loves the bungalow. He refuses to sell. He can’t afford to buy you out, but he also won’t sign the listing agreement. Now you’re stuck paying rent on a new apartment and potentially still on the hook for a mortgage on a house you don’t live in.
It’s a nightmare scenario, but it’s incredibly common. Unlike married couples who have divorce courts to sort out property division, unmarried couples often find themselves in a legal gray area that feels chaotic.
If you’re nodding your head right now, feeling that knot of anxiety in your stomach, take a breath. You aren’t trapped forever. There are clear legal paths to get you out of this situation and get your money back. Let’s talk about how to navigate this mess without losing your mind—or your investment.
The "Let's Just Talk" Phase (And Why It Often Fails)
Before we get into the heavy legal stuff, it’s worth acknowledging the human side of this. Usually, the first step is trying to reason with your ex-partner.
You sit down for coffee. You explain that you need your credit freed up to buy your own place. You show them the math—how the market is good right now and selling makes sense.
In a perfect world, they’d agree. But breakups aren’t usually rational. Emotions run high. Maybe your ex is holding onto the house because it’s the only stable thing left in their life. Maybe they’re refusing to sell just to spite you. Or maybe they are just burying their head in the sand, hoping the problem goes away if they ignore it long enough.
If you’ve tried the polite conversations and the logical emails and you’re still hitting a brick wall, it’s time to stop waiting for them to change their mind. You need to know that the law generally hates forced co-ownership. You cannot be forced to own property with someone you don't want to be in business with.
The Magic Word: Partition
The legal solution to this standoff is something called a "partition action."
It sounds technical, but the concept is actually pretty simple. A partition action is a lawsuit filed by a co-owner of a property to force the division or sale of that property.
Think of it like this: When you and your ex bought the house, you became business partners in a real estate asset. Now that the partnership is dissolving, the business needs to be liquidated. If the partners can’t agree on how to do it, the court steps in as the manager and makes the decision for you.
There are generally three outcomes in a partition case:
- Partition in Kind: This is where the property is physically divided. Imagine a large 50-acre farm. The court might draw a line down the middle and say, "You get the east side, you get the west side." This almost never happens with a single-family home. You can’t exactly saw a kitchen in half.
- Partition by Sale: This is the most common outcome for residential houses. The court orders the property to be sold, and the proceeds are split between the owners.
- Buyout: Sometimes, the pressure of the lawsuit is enough to make the stubborn partner find the money to buy you out. The court can also facilitate an appraisal to set a fair price so the buyout isn't based on numbers pulled out of thin air.
Why You Don't Need "Permission" to Sell
A lot of people think, "Well, both our names are on the deed, so I can't do anything unless he signs."
That’s a myth that keeps people stuck in bad situations for years. While you can't sell the entire house without their signature on a regular market listing, you absolutely have the right to file for partition.
In almost every jurisdiction, the right to partition is absolute. You don’t need to prove that your ex is a bad person. You don’t need to prove they cheated or that they are trashing the house. You just need to prove that you are a co-owner and you no longer want to own the property. That’s it.
Once the court confirms you have an ownership interest, the ball starts rolling. The court will not force you to stay in a financial relationship you want out of.
The Accounting: Who Gets What?
Here is where it gets a little sticky—and where things differ significantly from a divorce.
In a divorce, judges often look at "equitable distribution" or community property rules. They might look at who has lower income, who has custody of kids, or who needs the asset more.
In a partition action between unmarried individuals, the court looks at the hard numbers. It’s strictly business. They call this "an accounting."
Let's go back to our hypothetical couple.
Say you moved out six months ago. Since then, Mark has been living there alone. He’s been paying the mortgage, but he also hasn’t paid you any rent for using your half of the house. Meanwhile, you paid the entire down payment ($50,000) when you bought the place because Mark was broke at the time.
In a partition action, the court (or a court-appointed referee) will sit down and do the math.
- Credits for Payments: Mark might want credit for all the mortgage payments he made since you left. That’s fair.
- Rental Value: However, you can often argue that Mark owes you for the "rental value" of your share of the house since he’s been enjoying exclusive possession of it.
- Down Payments and Improvements: This is huge. If you can prove you paid that $50,000 down payment from your personal savings, you can generally ask to be reimbursed for that off the top before the remaining profits are split.
The goal is to make sure everyone gets out exactly what they put in, adjusted for the equity the house has gained. It prevents your ex from profiting off your initial investment just because you were nice enough to let him live there.
The Problem with "He Said, She Said"
The biggest headache in these cases is usually a lack of documentation.
When you’re in love, you don’t write receipts. You transfer money via Venmo with emojis for captions like "House stuff 🏠❤️". You pay the contractor in cash because he’s a friend of a friend.
When you get to court, those casual transactions become battlegrounds.
If you claimed you paid for a $15,000 roof repair but have no bank statement or invoice to prove it, the court might not give you credit for it. If your ex claims he gave you cash every month for the mortgage but has no receipts, the court might assume he didn’t pay.
Pro Tip: Start gathering your documents now. Go through your bank statements for the last few years. Find the closing statement from when you bought the house. Dig up emails where you discussed who was paying for what. The more paper you have, the less you have to rely on a judge believing your story over your ex's.
The Emotional Toll of the Process
We can talk about the law all day, but we can't ignore the stress. Litigation is not fun. Even a straightforward partition action can feel like a battle.
Your ex might get angry. They might drag their feet. They might stop cleaning the house or let the lawn die just to hurt the resale value (though a judge can penalize them for "waste" if they do this).
It’s important to go into this with your eyes open. It won’t happen overnight. It might take several months, sometimes longer if the other side is particularly litigious.
However, consider the alternative.
If you don't act, you remain tethered to this person. Your credit remains at risk if they miss a payment. You lose out on the appreciation of the home if the market dips. And worst of all, you have this massive unresolved cloud hanging over your head, preventing you from fully moving on.
Often, just the act of filing the lawsuit is enough to wake the other person up. When they receive the legal complaint and realize, "Oh, wow, a judge is actually going to force the sale and I might have to pay legal fees," they suddenly become much more willing to negotiate a settlement or a voluntary sale.
A Real-World Example
Let’s look at a scenario that happens often. Sarah and Mike.
They bought a fixer-upper. Sarah paid for the materials; Mike did the labor. They break up. Mike says, "I built this house with my hands, I'm not selling." He offers Sarah $10,000 to walk away.
Sarah knows the house has appreciated by $100,000. $10,000 is an insult.
She tries to talk to him, but he locks the doors and changes the codes. She feels helpless. She contacts a lawyer and files for partition.
During the process, the court appoints a referee to value the home. The referee determines the house is worth way more than Mike thought. The court also looks at Mike's "sweat equity." While his labor has value, the law can be strict about valuing DIY work without receipts or professional estimates.
The pressure mounts. Mike realizes that if the house goes to a court-ordered sale, it might sell for less than market value, hurting his pocket too.
Suddenly, Mike’s parents step in to lend him the money to buy Sarah out for a fair price—$60,000, not the $10,000 he offered.
The lawsuit didn't go all the way to a trial. It just provided the leverage Sarah needed to get fair treatment.
Protecting Yourself Before It Starts (For the Next Time)
If you are reading this and thinking, "I'm never buying a house with anyone again," I don’t blame you. But if you do, or if you are currently in a good relationship and own a home, consider a Cohabitation Agreement.
It’s like a prenup for housemates. It spells out exactly what happens if you break up. Who moves out? How do you value the house? How much notice do you give?
Having this document can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees and months of stress. It takes the emotion out of the breakup because you already decided the rules when you were happy and rational.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I stop paying the mortgage if I move out?
This is risky. If both names are on the loan, the bank doesn’t care that you broke up. If your ex stops paying and you stop paying, your credit score tanks. It’s usually better to keep paying (and document it!) so you can ask for reimbursement later during the partition accounting.
Will I get my legal fees back?
In many partition cases, the court considers legal fees for the partition itself to be a "common benefit" to both parties (since it resolves the title issue). This means the fees might be paid out of the proceeds of the house sale before the money is split. However, if your ex fights you unnecessarily, your lawyer might argue that your ex should pay a larger chunk of the fees.
Can my ex sell the house without me?
No. Just like you can’t sell without them, they can’t sell without you. If you see a "For Sale" sign go up and you didn’t sign a listing agreement, contact a lawyer immediately to put a stop to it.
Conclusion: Taking Control of Your Future
Breaking up is hard enough without a six-figure asset sitting in the middle of it. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, angry, or even guilty about forcing a sale. But remember: your financial well-being matters. You worked hard for that investment, and you have a right to access it.
You don’t have to let an obstinate ex-partner hold your financial future hostage. The law provides a way out, a way to cut the ties cleanly and fairly so you can both move on. It might feel aggressive to file a lawsuit, but sometimes it is the only way to break the deadlock and find closure.
If you are stuck in a co-ownership dispute and don't know where to turn, you don’t have to figure it out alone. We help people navigate these tricky waters every day, ensuring they get their fair share of the equity they’ve built.
Don’t let your future stay locked up in your past. Contact Underwood Law Firm today for a consultation, and let’s get you the freedom—and the funds—you deserve.
